Month: May 2017
My husband has decided to start showing our son the worst movies he can find. That’s the only excuse I can come up with for them watching Robot Holocaust yesterday. I can only hope that he never shows him Jupiter Ascending, the absolute worst movie I have ever paid good money to see. True fact: Every movie I have seen since Jupiter Ascending is “at least it’s not as bad as Jupiter Ascending.”
I can’t tell you the plot the “classic” Robot Holocaust because I left the room in the first five minutes it was so bad(at least it’s not as bad as Jupiter Ascending). An hour later, I declared bedtime as I was attempting to save my child from further harm. “But there is only 20 minutes left!” So I stayed to watch the end. During the credits, I had to point out that there would be no post credits scene as the movie is too old for that(thanks Marvel!). They start naming off the players in this gem when our son starts laughing at a character called “Irradiated Female”. We all couldn’t stop giggling at that point.
Irradiated Female is an all girl punk rock group. They can play whatever song they want that is how punk rock they are.
Zoltar in Sedona
Some friends of our recently took a trip out west. On a stop in some tourist trap they found a Zoltar machine. Unbelievably, they didn’t get a fortune! More believable is that their teenagers didn’t know the reference. You guys remember the movie Big, right? The one where a kid wishes on a fortune teller machine to be big and wakes up as Tom Hanks? That is the Zoltar fortune teller! They found Zoltar in Sedona. Seems legit.
Zoltar in Sedona is a rather new agey group. Lot’s of Enya covers I’m thinking.
Kevin.. when this end?
After trying for practically every year since moving to the area, we finally scored some tickets to the White House Christmas Tree lighting in 2015. Sadly they were for the standing room only section, but we soldiered on because I felt like we needed to experience this at least once. There are many things I will never do again and standing waiting for someone to light a Christmas Tree from probably three football fields away is definitely on that list. (Also on the list, DC fireworks, um.. this may be a list of 2 things…) So on the day of the lighting, we get the kid out of school early and take the train down. They want you there about 4 hours too early. I get it, security and whatnot. But it was cold. And it was getting dark as we were standing there waiting for something to happen. We weren’t the only antsy ones. There was a couple standing close to us. I didn’t pay them much attention until she starts talking really loudly. “Kevin.. when this end?” It was too perfect. Obama hadn’t even shown up yet!
We weren’t the only ones that left as soon as the lights came on.
Ideally, this would be a band you wouldn’t want to end.
Second Best Party Trick
I have weird elbows. Most people call them double jointed. All people call them “Ewwww” when they see them for the first time. I don’t really care. When people do this I just say that it’s my best party trick and move on. My favorite instance was in a yoga class. I did a super cool pose until someone pointed them out. A girl said “Ewww” really loud. She’s a peach and a grown-ass woman. You can’t keep these things to yourself at this age? After I was chastised by the teacher, I couldn’t hold the pose again.
I have thankfully passed on these genes to my child. He is even more flexible than I. He recently started doing this thing where he can move his scalp. It looks like he is wearing a toupee. Plus his eyebrows don’t move when he does it and it is creepy and awesome. Yes, I realize this probably has nothing to do with flexibility. Anyway, I called it his “2nd best party trick.”
Seems to me 2nd Best Party Trick should be a wedding band. They probably include silly things as instruments. Like kazoos or a washboard.