British Neutral

Jason was watching some ELO concert television show the other day.  I wasn’t really paying attention, they are not my jam.  He made some random comment about how “maybe they aren’t from Baltimore after all.”  What?  “I thought they were from Baltimore, but I think they are from England after watching this.  Maybe I don’t like them after all.”  I paid more attention.  The singer began talking and he definitely had an English accent.  A groan was all I heard next to me.

“What is your problem with English bands?”  was the obvious question I asked.

“You know how I feel about English bands.”

“I didn’t realize your feelings were so strong.”

“You thought I liked bands from England?” He sounded indignant.

I just didn’t realize you hated them so much.  I thought you were just neutral on them.  English neutral.”

English Neutral is an American band that only plays songs from English bands.  Just to spite Jason.  I imagine them butchering Oasis songs on a regular basis.


Double Sweater

The weather is starting to change here and I am freezing all the time.  It makes me feel really old to be this cold all the time.  I mean, I grew up in Ohio – not the coldest part of the state, but we had our share.  I thought I was used to it.  I actually live a bit farther south now but as soon as the temps start to drop it’s all over.  Yesterday I wore my first sweater of the season out and about.  On my way home, I was thinking about how I couldn’t wait to get home to put on my cardigan over my sweater.  I would then be wearing double sweaters!  You just can’t make this stuff up.

The Double Sweaters are a bunch of retired rockers.  Not literally rockers, but retired people who like to rock.  They formed their band in the old folks home and play for all their fellow prisoners.. ahem..  residents.  Probably on a Saturday afternoon.  Old people don’t rock after dark.

Vicious and Fluffy

We have some neighbors who really like little dogs.  I really like little dogs.  They seem to go through quite a few of them though.  It feels too awkward to ask why.  “So what happened to all the other dogs?  Are they dead?  Did you hand them off to your copious grandkids?”  That’s just not a conversation I would like to have – ever.

The neighbors currently have two very tiny dogs.  One is white and the other is black.  I think they are both Maltese but without the stupid haircut.  This is how I feel about them.

On the way home from the bus stop recently, those little guys were barking at us through their glass door.  “So vicious” I said in a silly voice.  “So vicious and fluffy” was the reply from Logan.

Vicious and Fluffy is a teenage girl cover band.  They are probably doing rock covers of Taylor Swift songs. If Calvin Harris is ever looking for something with a harder edge, they’ll fit the bill.

On a side note, I actually had to look up how to spell “vicious”.  I kept putting in “viscous”.  I think we can agree that would be an entirely different cover band.

Cause Olive

So we were sitting at the Alamo Drafthouse watching a special presentation of The Regular Show: The Movie when Jason orders a dirty martini with olives.  He likes to do that.

What’s really embarrassing is when the waiter, or even worse the waitress, asks “How Dirty?”  Yes, this happened. I know it’s a legit question, but not in front of the kid, please!  Think of the children! That didn’t happen this time thank goodness.

Drinks arrive, water all around, and coke for me.  Jason looks at his martini, which is stacked with 3 enormous olives and offers me one. Now I’m not much of a drinker AND I do not like olives, so, not cool! The two of them start making jokes about Logan enjoying martini olives and asking me “what is your problem?”

It’s, cause olive’s kids.

Cause Olive is not really a band.  Just a girl and her music.  I don’t think she had a career with Fringe Division, but she sure can play the guitar and write her own songs.  Someone like Lisa Loeb.  Remember her? Of course her name has to be Olive.  Names are easy to change these days, right?